Wednesday, August 19, 2009

If....

 If I was an optomist, I would say my cup runnth over and surely goodness and light will follow me always. Ain't family fun! But since I am a realist, I sit in the corner whimpering and softly moaning with anticipation. It looks like my daughter Candace (aka 'mom') and her two boys, Darius and Vyron, will be moving back in with gramma. Again.

My once spacial environment (small apartment) will once again be filled with wall-to-wall clutter, loud and constant noise, and endless activity that could cause a monk to beg for mercy. There will be no quiet haven to run to for regrouping, unless you count my car. I guess I could go sit in my car and lock the doors when needed. Or... or drive away and never come back.

As of this writing I don't see an end in sight. I suppose there is one. Somewhere. Sometime. The move-in is scheduled to occur at the end of this month. Barring any miracles.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter and the boys. I want to help when I can. But this isn't how I expected my retirement years to be spent. Taking care of a grown-ass child and her off-spring. Does every family have one of these? A person who just doesn't seem to grasp the intention of adulthood? Of financial responsibility? A person who's fate causes them to be ever needy and unable to take care of themselves financially? My first four kids flew from the nest as soon as they were able to and they've never been back. It was hard getting this fifth child out of the nest at all and now she keeps coming back. Not by choice but by necessity. I know if she had any choices at all, she would not be moving back with me, if you know what I mean. "Whadda ya mean there's no room in the car... that means I have to move back in with my MOOOOOOTHER!! Oh Gawd NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

All I have to say is "What in the hell is she going to do when I'm dead?!?"
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8 comments:

Wanda said...

Oh Crusty ~~

I know you love your daughter and the boys, but 24-7 is a huge committment.

I know we would do the same for ours, and have in the past. Recycled several of them... But now, finally they have all made a nest for themselves.

Finances are hard, and on occasion me and Dad have helped a "little". We're on retirement income too.

It's amazing to me how my two boys, 8 and 10 can undo my house in a couple of hours when they visit or stay over... So I can imagine what it would be like on a fulltime basis.

YOU will be in my thoughts and prayers, and they will never forget a Grandma like you!!!

Rudee said...

I can't imagine. Oh wait. Yes I can. My oldest is tight on money, and while she has an apartment and lives on her own, I funnel a little money her way so she doesn't go back into debt or need to move home. The other has grasped my apron strings and bank account with surprising strength. It's as though he has the grasp of the world's biggest squid.

I think in ways, it's their generation which is fueled by apathy. On the other hand, it's not unusual for families to a live together and pool their resources in other cultures. I don't know which is right, but I know you were coveting your new art room and now you have to give it up. That would give me palpitations.

Brenda said...

Well, I know this is pretty common in my family. As hard as it is to give up our free space and quiet time, it is better than having them out there with no where safe to live. You have a great big heart...many parents don't. Be proud of that and take long car rides to the park or library...ha. We have our son living with us also.

Rosy said...

You just describe two of my neices here and they both are in their thirties with kids.

Anonymous said...

Bummer!!! for you and C!! My heart goes out to you CC. How long will it be this time?? And what about day care for the kids....were they not going to one where C was working or when she was working.

Damn, I am upset for you...but, I also understand you.

E.

The Crusty Crone said...

Ya know, it helps when you know others are experiencing similar situations. You all know from experience that you can love someone, care deeply about them.... but not want them living with you!!

I just need to remember that 'mom' doesn't want to be here any more than I want it. And we do, indeed, love each other.

cat's momma said...

When I think about your circumstances, it's the space thing, the silence versus noise, the idea that you just will not be able to have things the way you want them and will have to accommodate others' wishes....lots of compromise ahead and probably a higher stress level too.

Sandy said...

Well as you know we are pretty involved with ours and still have a son living at home meaning we have his son here a lot... Cayden. If it wasn't for your space issue, I would think everything would be fine other than the usual conflicts that can arise living with your adult child.

I think what Brenda said is so true, the alternative isn't too great to think about, them living somewhere where they aren't safe and taken care of with food to eat and loving family around.

Knowing you, you will make it work some way or another and maybe they are at the age you can spend focused time teaching them art. That is one way to let hours pass...