Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Next Chapter

Well, here I stand looking out to yet another chapter in my life. A turning point was created when my daughter and grandsons left the state. As usually happens, one does not see it for what it is until after the fact.... those major turning points sneak up when you're not looking.

Turning Points: There's BS... Before Sex, followed by BK... Before Kids. There's before I left my "childhood home". (Makes it sound happy, doesn't it... 'childhood home'. Goes to show you how we conjure up emotions from words and phrases that don't necessarily reflect reality.) There's the before and after of marriage, the before and after of my one significant relationship... which was not my marriage. Before and after the first group of off-spring leaving home. (They were close in age so in retrospect it seems to have happened at the same time.) And now this final exodus of my last child and her two boys.

When I went to see them on their last day here... as they packed for their VACATION... I kept pushing back the feeling that I might not see them again. "Oh that's crazy talk. Stop being so melodramatic!" After all, a vacation means you're coming back. But the Universe does give you 'warnings'. Its just hard to figure out which are actual warnings and which are crazy thoughts.

I sure do miss those boys with their happy shiny faces. They always seemed happy to see me... and that doesn't happen very often. Where's that damn box of tissue!

In the past when major changes would take place I would end up cutting my hair as if to mark the passage. I went to the store today and bought a new pair of scissors with the intent of getting rid of this mass of stringy hair that gets in my way. I'm going short again.

Here is where I have the choice as to how I will react to this recent change. I can embrace it and look optimistically to the future or I can wallow in my self-pity and close the world off even more than I have. Right now its a toss up.
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Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, one of my grandkids is in Texas, and I do feel that I am missing out, the other grandma is the one he will know as granny, he will never know me as anyone but a picture that mom shows him now and then.

My other two little ones are moving out with mom and dad the first of next month so I wont be seeing them everyday... I am really going to miss that... And like you I wonder how they are going to make it out "there" on there own...

Sooo, I know what you are feeling.

cat's momma said...

Beautifully, thoughtfully written, and I could feel what you were saying.