I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.
As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie (or three), or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant guard on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)
4 comments:
You echo my sentiments perfectly. This is a such a well written piece. Thank you.
My magic year was 50. I stopped caring what others thought of me. It was the most liberating year of my life. Yes, this is the well kept secret of aging. Now, if I could only afford to retire, life would be perfect.
Just to make sure there's no misunderstanding, I didn't write this (nor is the picture anything I could do)... but I agree, its very well expressed.
Very cool...a lot I can relate to.
Oh....how true! It has taken me getting to be 58 to be comfortable in my skin. And each year I find it even gets better. This post is right on target......and I love the truth of it all!
Of course I would love to be much leaner....but I'm not going to loose any sleep over this. When I was younger I would starve myself.....oh the horror of it all! Now I will just eat whatever I want and exercise when I'm ready. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do....but I have choices and whatever choice I make....I will live with it.
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